The joys of Motherhood???

So, two weeks ago, my brand spanking new husband (we'll refer to him as Space Cadet) and I found out that I am knocked up. When I say brand spanking new, I mean BRAND SPANKING NEW (well, not the relationship, we have been together for three years.) We had been married exactly 16 days when we got this news. I mean, we were all for starting a family once we were married, but that didn't necessarily mean that it all had to happen in the same month! Needless to say, we were a little overwhelmed. Shocked, actually. I sat on the floor and cried. Not that I didn't want to have a baby, but it wasn't exactly my choice for it to happen right now. 

Space Cadet was overjoyed, something that was so odd to me because he's always been the one to say we had to wait to have kids. I was usually the one who was like "yeah, so if the birth control doesn't work properly next time... oops.." But, oh, the moment of truth, and how the tables have turned. I think that it was mainly the reality of it all. I have always wanted to be a mother, but I figured that I would feel ready at some point, like I'd reached mom-hood. I don't feel that. And there were the inevitable things that were to come along with pregnancy that I didn't (and don't) want anything to do with, like the 10 weeks of nausea and vomiting, followed closely by the massive expansion of my ass. This is still what freaks me out the most.

So, here we are two weeks later. I am still freaked out, but a little more accepting of the craziness that is enveloping our lives. I just started getting morning sickness, which is more aptly titled "constant hangover without the memories of a fun night before that lasts approximately 2 months." I have already cried 4 times and decided I can't get through this - I have only been sick since wednesday. I am starting to seriously question my ability to do this. 

The combination of nauseous, yet ravenously hungry is not something that makes me particularly happy. Today, the only thing that I can stomach without wanting to hurl is frozen pizza. Ah, frozen pizza. How ever so nutritionally sound and perfect to avoid that weigh gain which is the other thing I am so dreading. I am trying to branch out with the foods I am eating, but that will have to start tomorrow, as I have to be at work in an hour and I don't forsee being the most effective bartender in the world if I am constantly sticking my head in the sink to vomit. I don't know how I am going to face work, especially since we are not telling anyone yet about this evil creature currently forming in my uterus. I am only about 6 weeks along, so it's not yet "safe" to tell (though we have told our parents and a few close friends - I'm not shy and if I have a miscarriage, I'll tell them all anyway, so why wait? Sidebar - telling my dad was the weirdest experience of my life -I felt so guilty, like I was 17 and did something wrong. Why is this? I mean, I'm 30 and married!) I don't want to tell anyone at work, but at the same time, have no idea how on God's green earth I am going to get through the night without retching or passing out. 

Wish me luck!